Meet the REAL Video Game Pirates

So you torrented Spore and Fallout 3?

Shame on you. But, among pirates, you’re a lightweight.

PC World reports that Somali buccaneers have been pirating games the old-fashioned way – on the high seas, with guns.

Pirates in the vicinity of Somalia have been stepping up attacks on trade ships beyond the Horn of Africa into the Gulf of Aden and the Red Sea, imperiling access to the Suez Canal. Those attacks are up from one every few weeks to four in a single day, according to Sam Dawson of the International Transport Workers’ Federation… "This is not just guys in little fishing boats anymore," says Dawson. "We know there are three probably ex-Soviet trawlers acting as mother ships…"


"Despite all the publicity over piracy it will really hit home when consumers in the West find they haven’t got their Nintendo gifts this Christmas…"

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  1. Doomsong says:

    I have a strange feeling that it would sound eerily similar to a blast from an AK47…

    "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety" – Benjamin Franklin

  2. Doomsong says:

    You know… if they broke the shipments up and used a fleet of cargo planes, they could bypass the pirates altogether…

    "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety" – Benjamin Franklin

  3. Aliasalpha says:

    Hmm, maybe they need some kind of private security firm with a fleet of light frigates to run escort for cargo ships and ward the pirates off. The **AA’s could probably pay for them and if they ever fall short of cash again I’m sure they could sue more 10 year olds and dead people.


    Now that I think of it, that naval security thing sounds like a good game idea, they should make it and then as an amusing twist, have it stolen by sea pirates.


    Does anyone here know someone from Somalia? I’d love to hear what "Avast ye scurvy landlubbers" sounds like with a somali accent…

  4. Zero Beat says:

    Didn’t a group of these guys try to hijack a Japanese ship, and they Japanese fought back and won with only one person on the Japanese side suffering minor injuries?  I could swear I remember reading something about that on CNN a few months ago.

  5. Father Time says:

    That’s Epic dude.


    "What for you bury me in the cold cold ground?" – Tasmanian devil

  6. PHOENIXZERO says:

    Too bad the ESA, the MAFIAA and our corporate controlled government doesn’t have the balls to these guys, since you know, they’ll probably put up a fight.


    *Ignores international laws and political issues.*

  7. Wolvenmoon says:

    So…are they gonna make people have to enter a key and verify with their servers before they climb up the ladder, but if you enter more than 5 times it says "Do not enter" and you just hit the computer thing with a hammer and it shuts up?


  8. Father Time says:

    I was trying to make a manbearpig reference but I guess it didn’t work.


    "What for you bury me in the cold cold ground?" – Tasmanian devil

  9. Father Time says:

    Well that depends on what he became first. We don’t know that, all we know is that he’s 1/4 ninja 1/4 pirate, 1/4 robot and 1/4 zombie … oh and 1/4 Santa.


    "What for you bury me in the cold cold ground?" – Tasmanian devil

  10. Father Time says:

    No after getting in touch with my spiritual self I’ve decided to embrace an Eastern Religion.

    I worship the flying Lo Mein monster.


    "What for you bury me in the cold cold ground?" – Tasmanian devil

  11. Truec says:

    Santa is obviously corporeal, given his ability to eat milk and cookies.  He possesses powers of ninja and pirate in nature.  And the reindeer with the glowing red nose is obviously a cyborg, and Santa would never let somebody else have cybernetic enhancements without getting some of that action for himself.

    Thus proving that Santa Claus is, in fact… a Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot!

  12. Derovius says:

     What sort of authority do you expect the UN to have when one of its founding members ignores its recommendations? Who is going to follow the UN’s rules if not its members? Only worthless entity on the world stage is yours, my friend.

  13. Austin_Lewis says:

    Oh yeah, Nigeria is a shithole, just like most of that continent.  But do the American people have the fortitude to wage that war?  I doubt it.  For some reason, we have this idiotic notion of a ‘fair fight’, which makes it seem ‘unfair’ to fight people in shorts and tshirts with small squads of men armed with well-maintained automatic weaponry, body armor, and the latest in night-vision and weapon-mounted optics.  Which is ridiculous.

  14. Austin_Lewis says:

    We were actually doing a great job in Somalia until the Clinton Administration took over.  Let’s face it, that administration sold Task Force Ranger down the river and lost America some of its finest soldiers.  It also proved once again that the UN is absolutely worthless.

  15. Conejo says:

    We haven’t had much care to be in Africa since Patton beat Rommel.

    Here are we — and yonder yawns the universe.

  16. DeepThorn says:

    Maybe now we can that we have a black president without it being a racist war…  I think a war in Nigeria would be a life style upgrade for half of the people.  They are one of the crime capitals of the world…  Why are we closing down guantanamo bay again?  Oh thats right, because we have other more secret locations that we hide a lot worse people that we do a lot worse things to.

    Nido Web Flash Tutorials AS2 and AS3 Tutorials for anyone interested.
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  17. Austin_Lewis says:


    1) they weren’t old tanks, they were the current Russian military tanks and

    2) being responsible for giving a somali warlord tanks is something that no one wants to see happen.

  18. Austin_Lewis says:

    Oh yeah, they also pirated some tanks.  But that’s all good and well, because eventually Russia’s going to get those tanks back in a matter that will make those who took them regret their actions.

  19. Austin_Lewis says:

    Well if Clinton hadn’t lost the fight in Somalia in the first place, this might not be such a big deal.  Also, let’s face it; the American people don’t have the stomach to see a war in Africa. 

  20. Michael Chandra says:

    Forget about the war on terror, when on earth are they going to use the fleets around to systematically wipe these guys off the surface of the earth? Send them to Davy Jones’ Locker already! That protection fleet of 6 ships is cute and all for only a handful of ships, if they want to end all this taking of hostages and stuff they should send warfleets from several countries.

  21. gamadaya says:

    Sweet. Hopefully the make a dent in Wiis shiping to the US so that mine will sell for more this Christmas.

    These people do put my feeble pirating to shame though 🙁


    Internet troll > internet paladin

  22. Father Time says:

    Actually he’s a pirate. He has a vessel full of loot that he puts it in boxes and buries them in chimneys or under trees (well actually it’s hard to bury anything when you have to dig through hardwood floor). Oh and Santa’s been around for hundreds of years, normally he’d be dead but he isn’t and nobody sees him at work.

    He’s a ghost pirate.


    "What for you bury me in the cold cold ground?" – Tasmanian devil

  23. Zero Beat says:

    Excuse me, but I need to go ask Santa what the orders are.  He’s one of the world’s most successful Ninjas – only a Ninja can break into that many houses on a single night – and he’s in charge of all Christmas-related Ninja activities.

  24. Cecil475 says:

    Can ye hear the anti-game crowd? Those gamelubbers be killin one another for their games! They need to be banned!

     – Warren Lewis

    R.i.P GamePolitics 2005-2016

  25. lordlundar says:

    Nah, I’m sure they have a more modern way of doing it on the seas.

    Yup. High speed and cigar boats as opposed to sloops, RPGs as opposes to cannons and "shoot and dump" as opposed to the plank.

  26. Cecil475 says:

    *pictures pirates in old fashioned ships going after modern cargo ships, and firing cannons at it and getting on board and making everyone ‘walk the plank.’*

    "Arr! This be our ship now matey. Copies of Spore! One to each of us and plenty to go ’round. Now we need to find someone to strip the game of it’s DRM!"

    Nah, I’m sure they have a more modern way of doing it on the seas. But still, its what comes to mind first.

     – Warren Lewis

    Edit: Also, my excuse for missing out on ‘Talk like a pirate day.’

    R.i.P GamePolitics 2005-2016

  27. Cecil475 says:

    Arr! those sharks are going to have indigestion if you feed them the boy matey!

    That was quite funny.

     – Warren Lewis

    R.i.P GamePolitics 2005-2016

  28. Flamespeak says:

    Captain Beefsteak (CB): "Avast, you scurvy dogs! Yonder be our precious catch!" – Motions to a boat on the horizon

    CB: "I hear tale that vessel be carryin’ a mighty haul of booty."

    First mate Sissy-fizzle (FS): "What kind of booty be we talkin’ ’bout, Capn’?"

    CB: "Why, none other than disc shaped gold!"

    FS: "You mean to say…."

    CB: "AYE! Copies of Spore with no DRM features coded into it."

    Crew: Random cheering and clapping

    CB: "Settle down, lads. Remember the last time we were careless around the Electronic Alliance’s vessels." (Holds up a stub of a hand with a USB flash drive attached to the end)

    FS: "Aye, twas a sad day indeed, Capn’"

    CB: "It was worth it to steal the last digit on their CD-keys though. A loss I gladly accept to bring down those elitest EA bastards."

    Cabin boy Wiggly-Wrists (CW): "Capn’, why are we stealing from EA when they offer their products at reasonable prices?"

    CB: *approaches the boy* "Your right, me bucko. They have never done anything wrong at all have they?" *Pulls out a Rockband guitar and smashes the boy over the head with it.* "EXCEPT MAKE SHIT THAT DOESN’T WORK IF YOU BUY IT FROM THEM!"

    *motions to FS* "Those this little pup to the sharks."

    *address crew* "Split your lungs with blood and thunder!!!!"

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