The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For The Apocalypse?

February 26, 2009 -

Humor site The Onion asks whether violent games are doing enough to prepare our children for the coming Apocalypse.

Given the number of post-apocalyptic games, it may actually be a reasonable question...

Via: Kotaku


Comments

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

You know what would really suck?  If the apocalypse came the day before "I Am Alive" is released.  Then we miss out on our apocalypse survival simulator because we're all dead.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Obviously they're not. We need PRE-apocalyptic games for that.

"The apocalypse is coming. Will YOU be ready in time?"
---
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.


---
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

If anything, I have a zombie plan.  Do you?

 

"HEY! LISTEN!"

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Get the neighbor who's a bowhunter, my best friend whose entire family hunts, and head to the National Guard base that's a half mile away and has tanks.  Use the vehicles to set up a perimeter until we can get a proper barricade, and have people head to get supplies in heavy vehicles as needed.  Also, I'm working on my shuriken skills and other Ninja stuff, so I think we'd make it out okay.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

I am going to my vault and create an invincible league of super-mutants...

(Oh, crap...)

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Anyone think Jack Thompson is going to take this news report seriously?

Like church members, once sent Scholastic an Onion article that said kids were converting to Satanism because of Harry Potter, not realizing it was a joke.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Man, the people in Scholastic's offices must have had a good laugh at that.

Some will take literally anything they can get i nattempt's to ban what they find offenisve I guess.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I'm already saving up bottle caps so I have spending money in the future.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I agree with this video, more needs to be done in order to prepare for the Apocalypse. I wonder how we will ever survive if kids can not learn how to make a shelter out of cars...

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I know that I could find gold inside monster bodys.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

This is fantastic!! I say whatever contributes to society and our future is king in my books. Desensitize the children. Desensitize the future. I say Wiis for all. The we can live in a happy fit world. Isn't that a lovely thought? Nintendo brings love, but are we doomed for the future? Shooters forever. Seriously though, perhaps this argument about the apocalypse and our kids, perhaps the next gen games will. Imagine how great and realistic the environments will look on our hi def tvs. Good or bad? Depends if you are a supporter of desensitizing our future...

My sites Dora The Explorer & Tel Domain & GTA 5 cheats?

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Haha...if we go along with the arguments that video games teaches kids to become so-called "cop killers" and stuff, then definately, games would teach you to prepare for the apocalypse. Especially fallout 3.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

To be serious, does anyone genuenly learn stuff from video games? Like I belive that this generation will either be the worst or best soilders in the world, or the best and worst drivers of the world. From games I learned how to aim a firearm, why you should hold your breath while shooting long ranges, why you should implement covering fire, why cover, manever, and flanking are all important docterines. At the same time with driving games, you learn how to counter-steer, drift, E-brake, and so forth. At the same time, an inconsequencial world might provoke actions that are "risky" for some.

That video wasn't as good as the other works The Onion has done like the Mac Wheel.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

The first time I ever drove in snow, I hit a bad patch of ice during a turn and my car started to spin, but my gaming training took over and I was immediately able to get the car back under control. I've heard of this being a fairly common situation with gamers.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

The breath holding thing is applied incorrectly most of the time.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

"At the same time with driving games, you learn how to counter-steer, drift, E-brake, and so forth."

Yeah unfortunately, cause to this day I still pop in NFS: CARBON on occasion and tear up the drift events... there's one course in particular I almost broke 500,000pts on, even though I probably couldn't do it in real life :(

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Aparently they aren't teaching us basic spelling and sentence structure...

Anyway, The Onion is great, that was funny.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Have fun reading Zippy's responses in the future then. XD

Edit: It just came to me that I don't think people saying "KK LOLZ" on WoW is helping "traditional" grammer and sentence structuring.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I know a kid who plays wow a lot and has that grammar issue, though more or less the issue of capital letters and punctuation.

Of course, my response is that he can be very much an idiot since right now I am, to the the best of my ability, using those said things.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

We shouldn't have to worry about grammar since we won't need it when the world goes to hell. =P

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Lol, touche.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

You won't be laughing when poor grammar causes the apocalypse.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Of course they are! Afterall according to some, Games actually train your mind to do these tasks! So I now know that if the world goes to shit, I need to stockpile a couple flats of Coca-Cola...have a mountain of bottle caps, and get a shotgun and bolt action rifle! Oh and stay away from radioactive waste, it may turn you into a ghoul.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Just tune in and listen to three-dog and you'll be fine.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

"Don't feed the Yao Gui! That is all."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Of course not, they don't teach skills like baricading a building, finding water sources, and  conserving ammo.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Fallout 3, COD5 zombie mode

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, Jack Thompson'll justify it in the end." - nightwng2000

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, Jack Thompson'll justify it in the end." - nightwng2000

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Someone hasn't been playing Resident Evil!

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Resident evil isn't post apocalyptic.

 

Not yet atleast

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Close enough though.

 
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TechnogeekAnd as far as the Card thing went, I basically balanced it out personal guilt-wise by donating an amount equal to the Shadow Complex purchase price to the ACLU.03/05/2015 - 9:44pm
TechnogeekWelp, look like the Gerberghazi crowd is going to have to use Bing now. https://twitter.com/googlecloud/status/57365320825126093003/05/2015 - 9:42pm
Goth_SkunkAhh! I misinterpreted your statement about being left with almost every game in existence. I interpreted it as 'If you boycott games he's been involved with, you're boycotting almost all of them.'03/05/2015 - 9:31pm
Andrew EisenGoth - Card has been involved with only a small handful of games so if one were to boycott games for his involvement, they wouldn't be missing out on many games.03/05/2015 - 9:29pm
Goth_Skunk@Craig: Only if you're not interested in seeing it end.03/05/2015 - 9:27pm
Craig R.Instead of calling people the "anti gamergate faction", you could just call them "sane"03/05/2015 - 9:23pm
Goth_SkunkWhat do you mean 'almost every game in existence'? Card is a writer, not a game developer.03/05/2015 - 9:18pm
Andrew EisenBut I too wonder how many people who cry boycott actually follow through. I vaguely remember a few years ago a bunch of people boycotting one of the CoD games and were all found playing it on Steam.03/05/2015 - 7:53pm
Andrew EisenAn interesting quandary but not equivalent as boycotting games that Card was involved with leaves you with... well, almost every game in existence.03/05/2015 - 7:51pm
MechaTama31I agree that it's silly to avoid buying a game because one person involved with it said some things you disagree with. But I wonder how many of the people calling it silly this time have boycotted games for, say, Orson Scott Card's involvement?03/05/2015 - 7:40pm
PHX Corphttp://www.myfoxphilly.com/story/28274296/officer-injured Officer In Critical Condition Following Shooting Inside North Phila Game Stop03/05/2015 - 6:55pm
WonderkarpThe Shutup was a quick interjection saying "HEY! EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND LOOK AT THIS!" and I got the Critical Condition from a Local news site. I linked TMZ.03/05/2015 - 6:49pm
Andrew EisenThey call me The Jaws of Life.03/05/2015 - 6:48pm
Goth_SkunkThat's terrible. Now that it's been noted, can we return to Andrew's amazing steel-tearing teeth?03/05/2015 - 6:42pm
Andrew EisenWell, sucks that that happened and I'm glad he's alright (nothing in the article you linked says he's in critical condition) but there's no need for anyone to shut up.03/05/2015 - 6:41pm
WonderkarpEVERYBODY SHUT UP! Harrison Ford is in Critical Condition After A Plane Crash!! D: http://www.tmz.com/2015/03/05/harrison-ford-plane-crash-landing-golf-course-santa-monica/03/05/2015 - 6:38pm
Goth_SkunkIt ruined my joke about your billionaire lifestyle affording you state-of-the-art dentistry. I longed to see you fill your mouth with steel-tearing jaws.03/05/2015 - 6:32pm
Andrew EisenYep, typos happen. Even on the invoices I send for my freelance work. Yeah, that's always super embarrassing.03/05/2015 - 6:29pm
Goth_Skunk"Steel" your fr- aww crap you fixed it.03/05/2015 - 6:26pm
Andrew EisenReally? Whatever I say? Okay... I'm a handsome, impressively endowed, billionaire genius with a complete set of He-Man action figures and everyone wants to steal my Fruit Loops!03/05/2015 - 6:18pm
 

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