Cracked.com Tackles The Social Ills of New Vegas

November 17, 2010 -

Cracked.com reveals six activities from Fallout New Vegas that made the author have an epiphany about his own humanity. Okay, not really, but "6 Ways Fallout: New Vegas Made Me a Worse Person" is funny.

The lead-in to the article:

"I love the Fallout game series, almost as much as I love myself. See, my obsession with the apocalypse chiefly stems from the belief that whatever monumental disaster wipes out the rest of humanity will obviously leave me wholly intact. Because I'm me, and you can't spell 'awesome' without 'M-E.' To increase immersion, New Vegas introduces a 'hardcore' mode that adds a bevy of more realistic features to the game: You need to eat, stay hydrated, and get enough sleep to stay alive, there are more lasting consequences to injury, and your companions can die permanent deaths in battle. And this has finally allowed me to combine my two greatest loves - myself and the death of humanity - like never before: I started one of these 'realistic' games, and vowed to play it as if it were really me in there. My traits, my habits, my morals. Along the way, I learned some things. Horrible, scarring things that I wish I could now deny."

So what were the six horrible things the author speaks of? They are:

I May Secretly Be a Hoarder
I Am Inherently Good (Unless I Want Something You Have)
I Might Be an Alcoholic
I Am Utterly Shameless
I Will Go Gay (But Only if I'm Fairly Certain I Can't Take You in a Fight)
I Do Not Value Human Life

Read the rest here and share in the inhumanity.

image credit

Posted in

Comments

Re: Cracked.com Tackles The Social Ills of New Vegas

Ha, this is a great read.  Hilarious!

I never played more than 5 hours of FO3 myself.  I loved Morrowind (but not Oblivion for some reason), and I played the hell out of the first 2 Fallout games.  I read all these awesome experiences people were having in FO3, and I thought it would be a slam dunk winner for me.  But... a short while after leaving Megaton City and wandering the wastes, I realized I just wasn't having fun.  I'm not saying the game is bad, just that it wasn't for me (for some inexplicable reason I can't pin down).

Re: Cracked.com Tackles The Social Ills of New Vegas

I May Secretly Be a Hoarder

Like the Brotherhood of Steel, where they keep the nice goodies away from evil hands?



I Am Inherently Good (Unless I Want Something You Have)

First rule of the Wasteland- if it isn't bolted down and not under constant surveillence, it's fair game.

I Might Be an Alcoholic

If you didn't take a stroll down the Strip, stripped down to your vault-boy-printed underroos and went skinning dipping in the fountain in front of the Luxe, I doubt like hell anybody will hold it against you. If you insulted somebody, well... you had the extra CHR, so it's on you for failing your speech check.


I Am Utterly Shameless

So... I'm to understand you DID indulge in front of the Luxe?


I Will Go Gay (But Only if I'm Fairly Certain I Can't Take You in a Fight)

That's why the Gun Runners are located at the front of the Strip. It's on you for not getting AP rounds.


I Do Not Value Human Life


Neither does Keene, Caeser, some elements of the NCR, Powder Gangers and every wasteland critter not influenced by your Animal Friend perk, so don't judge yourself too harshly- it's their ass or yours.

Neither of which actually exists. Because it's a game.

 
Forgot your password?
Username :
Password :

Poll

Is King right? Should all games adopt the free-to-play model?:

Shout box

You're not permitted to post shouts.
Andrew EisenAs it happens, Chinatown Wars is the only GTA game I've played.04/19/2014 - 10:43am
Papa MidnightWith GTA5 (to date) failing to even provide indication of a PC release, I'm realising that this might be the first GTA game that I have not played (outside of Chinatown Wars) since the series inception.04/19/2014 - 8:14am
IanCSo im guessing a bunch of edutainment games, which a lot of people elsewhere are going gaga over, dot count as classics? Okay. If you don't mind me, i have a sudden urge to play Putt Putt....04/19/2014 - 6:15am
MaskedPixelantehttp://www.joystiq.com/2014/04/18/playstation-99-cent-sale-discounts-tokyo-jungle-super-stardust/ Weekend long PSN flash sale. So much stuff is 99 cents for the rest of the weekend.04/18/2014 - 5:59pm
Adam802http://www.polygon.com/2014/4/18/5627928/newtown-video-game-addiction-forum04/18/2014 - 4:14pm
Matthew Wilsonit is a video talking about why certain games/products/consoles do well, and others do not. he back it up with solid research.04/18/2014 - 3:56pm
Andrew EisenI'm not keen on blind links. What is it?04/18/2014 - 3:45pm
Matthew Wilsonthis is worth a whatch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyXcr6sDRtw&list=PL35FE5C4B157509C904/18/2014 - 3:43pm
MaskedPixelanteNumber 3: Night Dive was brought to the attention of the public by a massive game recovery, and yet most of their released catalogue consists of games that other people did the hard work of getting re-released.04/17/2014 - 8:46pm
MaskedPixelanteNumber 2: If Humongous Entertainment wanted their stuff on Steam, why didn't they talk to their parent company, which does have a number of games published on Steam?04/17/2014 - 8:45pm
MaskedPixelanteNumber 1: When Night Dive spent the better part of a year teasing the return of true classics, having their big content dump be edutainment is kind of a kick in the stomach.04/17/2014 - 8:44pm
Matthew Wilsonhttp://www.giantbomb.com/articles/jeff-gerstmann-heads-to-new-york-takes-questions/1100-4900/ He talks about the future games press and the games industry. It is worth your time even though it is a bit long, and stay for the QA. There are some good QA04/17/2014 - 5:28pm
IanCErm so they shouldn't sell edutainment at all? Why?04/17/2014 - 4:42pm
MaskedPixelanteNot that linkable, go onto Steam and there's stuff like Pajama Sam on the front-page, courtesy of Night Dive.04/17/2014 - 4:13pm
Andrew EisenOkay, again, please, please, PLEASE get in a habit of linking to whatever you're talking about.04/17/2014 - 4:05pm
MaskedPixelanteAnother round of Night Dive teasing and promising turns out to be stupid edutainment games. Thanks for wasting all our time, guys. See you never.04/17/2014 - 3:44pm
Matthew WilsonAgain the consequences were not only foreseeable, but very likely. anyone who understood supply demand curvs knew that was going to happen. SF has been a econ/trade hub for the last hundred years.04/17/2014 - 2:45pm
Andrew EisenMixedPixelante - Would you like to expand on that?04/17/2014 - 2:43pm
MaskedPixelanteWell, I am officially done with Night Dive Studios. Unless they can bring something worthwhile back, I'm never buying another game from them.04/17/2014 - 2:29pm
PHX Corphttp://www.msnbc.com/ronan-farrow/watch/video-games-continue-to-break-the-mold-229561923638 Ronan Farrow Daily on Video games breaking the mold04/17/2014 - 2:13pm
 

Be Heard - Contact Your Politician