Some Amusing Letters to Santa

December 23, 2010 -

A series of letters to Santa from the third grade class at Goessel Elementary School (Marion, Kansas) might just give you the Christmas spirit. The most amusing questions that children asked were why Santa was so fat and why his wife wouldn't help him deliver presents.

Naturally the most asked for items were video games and video game systems. One third-grader even asked for Call of Duty: Black Ops. I hope that Santa does not fulfill that particular request. Below are a few amusing samples:

How is your life with Mrs. Claus? Do you have kids? I am funny and silly and everyone that I know is nice. I want Legos, video games, candy, Call of Duty Black Ops, and a DSi. I will get my cousins an iPhone and my dad a car. We have a white house with blue lights and do not have a chimney. Do the reindeer talk? This year I think I will leave juice for you because I do not want a fat Santa. How did you get fat in the first place? How did you get the job? Thank you for the presents. Your friend,

Luke

Vincent wants a lot. I feel sorry for Santa:

How many hairs would there be if you would shave? I’ve been good but my brothers have not. How about you? Have you been good? I want candy, Bakugan, Legos, DS games, PSP, PS3, Xbox Live, Xbox 360, and a Playstation 3. My friend Cody wants lots of video games. My house is very tall and is white and tan. Go to the garage and my Christmas tree is in our living room. Do you feed your reindeer? I will leave some carrots for you that way you can fit down the chimney. Has your suit ever been a different color than red? Thank you for everything you’ve given me. Your friend,

Vincent

Anton wants video games and asks Santa why he's so fat:

Do you like video games? I live in the country in a house with a brown roof. Santa, how did you get so fat? Get my brother, Jakob, an mp3. I want video games and Legos. I’ve been both naughty and nice this year. Does Rudolph have a bright nose? I will leave you some pop and cookies because you like it. Santa, are you going to ever switch jobs? Does your wife deliver presents with you? Does your sleigh carry magic? Thank you for listening. Your friend,

Anton

You can read the rest of the letters here.

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InfophileRelevant to this site: http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/015984.html#015984 - Apparently allowing comments to be downvoted leads to worse behaviour09/22/2014 - 6:18am
Andrew EisenMP - I love that game but damn my squadmates are bozos.09/21/2014 - 10:05pm
MaskedPixelanteSWAT teams should be banned until they; 1. Learn not to walk into enemy fire, 2. Learn to throw the flashbang INTO the doorway, not the frame and 3. Stop complaining that I'm in their way.09/21/2014 - 9:53pm
Craig R.I'm getting of the opinion that SWAT teams nationwide should be banned. This probably isn't even the most absurd situation in which they've been used.09/21/2014 - 9:26pm
Andrew EisenAnd, predictably, it encouraged more parody accounts, having the exact opposite effect than what was intended.09/21/2014 - 7:07pm
E. Zachary KnightThis is called a police state people. When public officials can send SWAT raids after anyone for any offense, we are no longer free.09/21/2014 - 6:41pm
E. Zachary KnightJudge rules SWAT raid tageting parody Twitter account was justified. http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/sep/19/illinois-judge-swat-raid-parody-twitter-peoria-mayor09/21/2014 - 6:41pm
MechaTama31quik: But even if it did break, at worst it is only as bad as the powder. Even that is assuming that it is dangerous through skin contact, which is not a given if its delivery vehicle is a syringe.09/21/2014 - 4:30pm
MaskedPixelantehttp://www.forbes.com/sites/insertcoin/2014/09/20/isis-uses-gta-5-in-new-teen-recruitment-video/09/21/2014 - 4:25pm
quiknkoldSyringes can break. And in a transcontinental delivery, the glass could've broken when crushed. I work in a mail center. Shit like this is super serious09/21/2014 - 3:25pm
E. Zachary KnightIt doesn't matter what is inside the needle. As long as it requires him to take the step of purposefully injecting himself, the threat of the substance is as close to zero as you can get.09/21/2014 - 1:27pm
quiknkoldEzach: I'm not talking about the needle. I'm talking about what's inside. Geeze. Depending on what it is, the sender could be guilty of bioterrorism.09/21/2014 - 12:51pm
E. Zachary Knightquiknkold, No. That syringe is not worse than white powder or a bomb. The syringe requires the recipient to actually inject themselves. Not true for other mail threats.09/21/2014 - 12:49pm
Andrew EisenThe closest to a threat I ever received was a handwritten note slipped under my door that read "I KNOW it was you." Still no idea what that was about. I think the author must have got the wrong apartment.09/21/2014 - 12:28pm
InfophileThat's what they call it? I always called it hydroxic acid...09/21/2014 - 11:57am
MaskedPixelanteProbably dihydrogen monoxide, the most dangerous substance in the universe.09/21/2014 - 10:14am
james_fudgewell I hope he called the police so they can let us all know.09/21/2014 - 9:07am
quiknkoldIt's pretty gnarly. Depending on what it is, it could be worse than white powder or a fake bomb.09/21/2014 - 9:06am
james_fudgeI just looked it up on UPS.com09/21/2014 - 8:56am
james_fudgeand expensive for an American to ship to London.09/21/2014 - 8:55am
 

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