Jason Helton pens an F-U letter to the guy who hijacked his Xbox Live account (and credit card) and decided to buy a bunch of crap on Xbox Live. The lover letter can be found over at Joystick Division, and might be funny until you consider what this poor guy had to do stop this interloper. For one, he probably had to cancel his credit card and try to dispute any purchases the guy made, and then he decided to simply wipe his Xbox Live account to avoid any further agitation.
Here is a choice morsel full of hatred towards the thief:
"I curse you, your gamertag, and your great grandmother! I hope you experience nothing but getting pwned until you atone for your digital sins. May your Avatar be cast into the Pit of Eternal Damnation, and may your Xbox get the Red Ring of Doom. And when you replace that Xbox, may that one get the Red Ring of Doom too…twice. And may the alternator in your car burn up, and that cheap integrated RADEON video card in your PC burn as well. And may you get Montezuma's Revenge, on your wedding day, hopefully while you are at the alter in front of your friends and family."
He goes on to say some harsher things, but the most amusing part of the rant is about the thief's purchase of Fable III on Xbox Live:
"Now that I think about it, you are a complete idiot. You tried to buy a downloadable copy of Fable 3, and while Fable 3 is a fantastic game so I'm told, you were going to pay $49.99 for it? Granted, it was not your money, but come on! The game sells at Gamestop brand new for $29.99, used for $17!!! Get off of your fat, lazy, gamertag stealing ass, get out of your mommy's basement, see some sunlight, and walk to the frakking Gamestop."
You can read the entire thing here. We wish Jason a future free of online sorrows and calamities.